P o e t r y

~1~
Come Out And Play

When will the sun come out and play

The sun has hidden beneath a shroud

Heat radiates from behind a cloud

It suffocates an open wound

Why won't the sun come out and play

Like it did the day before

The light casts a sickly hue

Not dusk or dawn, but muted grey

I asked the sun, "Please, come out and play"

"No," came the distant reply

Echoing like thunder in the cloudy sky

Boom, flash, away birds fly

Light came trickling softly, slowly

I did not say a word

The sound of wetness undeterred

Just rain drops, drip, drop

~2~
Conversation

Let us walk and

I will talk with you.

How I should move my mouth?

I can't recall.

Nervous, heart pounding

Drowning out your voice.

I forgot the words

To my favorite song.

I hear a sound;

Shouts and screams in shrill nuance.

Silence is preferred.

I can't remember how to speak,

I forgot the words.

~3~
5 Haiku For Modern Times

A Summery haze

Blankets the perfect valley

Forests are burning

Gentle breezes drift

Fall fragrance filling the air

Masks cover noses 

The Winter Finch perched

Softly chirping a sweet song

Far away from home

A bountiful spring

flows freely from the mountain

And is bottled fresh

A beautiful mess

Healthy fungus breaks down wood

Natural decay

-2020, L.A. Miller

Photo of The Day, end of July

 A photography project in which I take (at least one) photo a day with my Sony A7 and a single lens. The first week I used the Canon 500mm manual focus. This is a fun lens. It has mirrors in addition to glass elements, aiding in the magnification, creating a lighter telephoto lens. I also used a Jupiter-11 135mm f4 from 1976. This is a cheap but beautiful rendering lens. Apologies for the quality of some of the photos. There was a heat wave that made for an interesting challenge.

July 14th

July 15th

July 24th

July 26th

July 27th

July 28th

July 28th

photos copyright 2020 L. A. Miller

New Times, New Habits

It's been 147 days since Covid-19 lockdown began for me; 2 more months and that's half a year. I started thinking about how my life has changed and what new habits I started because of the new normal. Not all of my new habits are a direct result of the pandemic, but I made changes for better or worse to adapt to a new way of life. Most of us have a few new habits that are obvious. We wash our hands when we come home, after unpacking groceries, and after touching any new or foriegn surface. We wear masks like we wear pants; they are necessary for decency and hygeine. These odd or tactful habits are fitting to new situations. 

I formed new habits without the consultation of the WHO or CDC, and sometimes I wonder what led me to that particular habit. For instance, I use paper towels now. I dislike paper towels for various environmental reasons, but now I am an avid user of the product. One reason is that I do not have a clothes washer or drier, I have access to a comunal laundromat. So, this disposable product found its way back into my life. The other reason for the paper towels leads me to another new habit: I clean with bleach now. I have not used straight bleach to clean since college. I recently used a combination of vinegar, lysol and clorox wipes. The latter of those products are like diamonds, very rare and expensive. (And, yes Clorox wipes are disposable, but less waste than buying multiple products.)

Other habits that intrigue me are my new clothing habits. Aside from mask wearing, I now wear more head coverings when I go outside. I used to wear baseball caps, but now I wear them more often. I also wear bandanas on my head. I tuck my shirts in too. I used to hate tucking in my shirt, having grown up in the pop-punk era of skate boards and surf wear. But, now I feel all clean and put together when I tuck my shirt in, don a cap, and mask.

I love my hobbies more. I have always had numerous hobbies since I first banged away on my parents piano, picked up my pink 110 camera, drew rainbows and sunsets in watercolor, and rode my bike around the neighborhood. But recently, hobbies seem like important sanity savers. The world is burning and corporations and tyrants are playing chess with our lives; we deserve a little sanity to get us through. And so, I make an effort to draw, write, photograph, and garden every week.

Speaking of sanity, my most helpful new habit is listening to calming music. It helps me think, breathe easier, and be calmer. These times make me want to be an angry punk. Relaxtion is necessary so I can get angry when I want, and not stay angry. 

Last of all, I get grocery deliveries. I never thought I would do a food delivery service, but here we are. I kind of love it. I get fresh veggies, some new foods to try, and I feel healthier. I hate shopping, so this was a great change.

Change can be good, if we are able to adapt with ease and flexibility.

Photo of the Day, Week of July 5th, 2020

A photography project in which I take (at least one) photo a day with my Sony A7 and a single lens. This week I used the Jupiter-3 f1.5 50mm manual focus lens from 1957. This is a fun lens. It can have an older look to it because of minor distortion and round bokeh even when stopped down. 

July 6

July 7

July 9

July 10

July 11

photos copyright 2020 L. A. Miller

Photo OF The Day, Week Of June 28, 2020

A photography project in which I take (at least one) photo a day with my Sony A7 and a single lens. This week I used the Canon FD 24mm F2 manual focus lens from the early 1980s. This lens is one of the sharpest wide that is a legacy manual focus lens. The bokeh has a bit of a zoom effect but it is not very distracting due to the low contrast of the lens.

June 29

June 30

July 1

July 2

July 3/1

July 3/2

photos copyright 2020 L. A. Miller

A song for the times; A song written for Covid

A song for quarantine / covid-19.

If You Pick A Package Up / Wash Your Hands - [If You're Happy And You Know It]

[verse 1]

If you pick a package up, wash your hands. [clap, clap]

If you touch a foreign surface wash your hands. [clap, clap]

[chorus]

If you want to stay real healthy, germs can be really stealthy, so if you pick a package up, wash your hands.

[verse 2]

If you go out in public, wear a mask. [cover your mouth]

If you visit, shop, or party, wear a mask. [cover your mouth]

[chorus]

If you want to stay real healthy, germs can be really stealthy, so if you go out in public, wear a mask.

Lyrics CC for use in classrooms L.A. Miller copyright 2020

Day 109, June 29, 2020

Day 109

I sit here listening to the large construction project next door. The earth movers are back. I think the siding is up on most of the buildings. Maybe this is a sign that they are getting close to the end.

The covid numbers keep going up in my state and all over the country. There is a solution, but a large group of people are ignorantly fighting the solution. 

"I'm being anti-racist." "I want to apologize for my past." "They should be fired." "It is a diversion!" The BLM movement online is filled with arguements and statements that many cannot agree on. I think it is a process. A messy process, because it is an explosive movement, just like me too/time's up. 

Anyway, wasn't it Black voices we white people should be lifting up? And here we are fighting amongst ourselves.

I am deciding to be less vocal. I try to speak what I believe is reasonable and I usually am ignored and at worst called names. Not to say there is not some support and agreement, however... It is better to speak with actions and, to listen.

So, I am taking a twitter break. More time for processing news, listening, reading, exercise, volunteering and other things.

Photo of The Day, Week of June 21, 2020

A photography project in which I take (at least one) photo a day with my Sony A7 and a single lens. This week I used the Pentax SMC 28mm f3.5 manual focus lens from the late 1970s. This lens is very sharp with beautifully smooth bokeh. There is a bit of a swirl, from light distortion, to the bokeh at longer distances, but it is not distracting.

June 22

June 23

June 24

June 25

June 26

June 27

photos copyright 2020 L. A. Miller

Getting through

Personally, I was pretty prepared, on many levels for life during a pandemic. Of course there were a few adjustments such as cleaning, pandemic hygiene, and being creative with food. But, I know a few things that have helped greatly such as how to stay fit, how to stay mentally occupied, how to destress, any a few other things that have help.

For excersise, I found that squats and calf raises (near) daily are extremely important when stuck inside. They engage your feet, legs, buttocks and core if I do them correctly. They are excellent exercises to do even in a top floor apartment. I feel much better when I do them regularly.

Also, stretch! I keep thinking back to all the stretches I learned in elementary school. I mean yoga is great and all. But, those generic stretches work wonders from sitting all day.

I also walk, but not as often as I would like. Neighborhood walks are good for mental and physical health. I walk when I feel stressed or tense and it helps me feel better.

For activities, I want to play video games or watch tv when I am bored. They are easy and don't cause me pain to do. But, I feel better if I make a to-do list of things I need to do and projects I want to do eventually. That way I can slowly work through the list inbetween mindless activities.

Also, reading and writing. These activities do not hurt, unless one has a migraine. Reading and writing engage the brain and make me feel productive. As do other hobbies like photography, drawing, painting, building mechanical objects or repairing old items. Accomplishing something makes me feel like I did something productive and so even working on a project feels good.

Stress is still an issue. I mean, have y'all seen the news lately? I have listened to so much calming music lately. Instrumental music that is usually in a major key and as slow as 70 bmp is perfect. If you do not like the calming music on youtube, try Bach, Brahms, Beethoven, or Handel.

Lastly, get outside or look outside everyday. This is important. There are birds and trees and flowers. The seasons are slowly changing. Nature is beautiful. And, I need my vitamin D. Eating healthy and getting the right vitamins are helpful for a good immune system.

Expertise

I often feel like I should be doing more with my life. I want to do more. Depression sets in if I overthink needing to do more activities or being more involved in life.

I started feeling unwell when I was in college. It may have even been before that, but I really noticed it at that time. I was getting headaches and stomach aches. I was not sleeping well. Anxiety, a doctor said. Sure, fine... They put me on a happy pill which helped the symptoms a little, but not really. I tried everything, from books to yoga to deep breathing to meditation. I believed the doctors. I also knew that I was stressed from a bad relationship and being away from home.

Eventually I got away from the bad relationship. I did not feel as anxious. And, because of the relationship I did not get my teaching degree, only a BA. I gained experience in retail and data entry and eventually IT and databases.

As time wore on my other symtoms grew worse. I still had trouble sleeping and eating. I had headaches. I was told it was still anxiety or grief. This was starting to not sit well with me, but doctors were not listening. They would try an allergy med for my sinuses and that was it.

Evetually, after about 6 or 7 doctors, I started not trusting them. They were not listening and I was getting more relief doing exercises I found online. Chiropracty was helping at least. It was taking me years to diagnose myself, but I was learning that it was not just anxiety... It was TMJ and migraines and bruxism (yay for the dentist). But, I could not afford a specialist...

Now, 15 years later, I have all of this knowledge about my health but not much work expertise, no family of my own. And most of all, no formal diagnosis, except the dentist, because I am broke. I had to quit my job in the middle of all of that because my health had gotten to a point where I could not eat very well, had jaw pain and had a hard time concentrating. I used my savings on those 6 or 7 doctors and my move back to my home state.

Now, I want to be able and be involved in life. I wish I could have a family. I wish I could have a job again. But, l make due. I do my best. That is my expertise: doing my best. I would rather something in science or history... But such is life. 

I have learned many technical things on the job before, held several jobs in fact, for a while. I even managed an IT department. Not to mention my volunteer work, writing, and photography. I shouldn't sell myself short. But, as of now I feel helpless because of my body.

I will keep trying to take care of myself and be a good person. I hope I can be more than that, eventually. I miss my life.

Daily Log: An Update

Here we are, day 52. I honestly can't believe I have kept this log going for this long. I did this as an experiment to see how society, and I, changed over time during this pandemic.

 I am currently taking a break from posting, however I am still writing my log. I find it interesting. I am curious to see the difference between me posting and not posting what I have written. I will keep going with this experiment, either online or offline. I will know soon.

I hope everyone is safe and healthy.

Edit: I have decided to quit the online daily log for now. I am going to pick a day and do weekly reports instead, in a more formatted way. Less of a daily log and more like an essay on life. I will be removing some of my less interesting daily logs, in favor of a "best of" list.

Thank you for reading along as we all figure this global pandemic out together.