Photo of The Day, Week of June 21, 2020

A photography project in which I take (at least one) photo a day with my Sony A7 and a single lens. This week I used the Pentax SMC 28mm f3.5 manual focus lens from the late 1970s. This lens is very sharp with beautifully smooth bokeh. There is a bit of a swirl, from light distortion, to the bokeh at longer distances, but it is not distracting.

June 22

June 23

June 24

June 25

June 26

June 27

photos copyright 2020 L. A. Miller

Getting through

Personally, I was pretty prepared, on many levels for life during a pandemic. Of course there were a few adjustments such as cleaning, pandemic hygiene, and being creative with food. But, I know a few things that have helped greatly such as how to stay fit, how to stay mentally occupied, how to destress, any a few other things that have help.

For excersise, I found that squats and calf raises (near) daily are extremely important when stuck inside. They engage your feet, legs, buttocks and core if I do them correctly. They are excellent exercises to do even in a top floor apartment. I feel much better when I do them regularly.

Also, stretch! I keep thinking back to all the stretches I learned in elementary school. I mean yoga is great and all. But, those generic stretches work wonders from sitting all day.

I also walk, but not as often as I would like. Neighborhood walks are good for mental and physical health. I walk when I feel stressed or tense and it helps me feel better.

For activities, I want to play video games or watch tv when I am bored. They are easy and don't cause me pain to do. But, I feel better if I make a to-do list of things I need to do and projects I want to do eventually. That way I can slowly work through the list inbetween mindless activities.

Also, reading and writing. These activities do not hurt, unless one has a migraine. Reading and writing engage the brain and make me feel productive. As do other hobbies like photography, drawing, painting, building mechanical objects or repairing old items. Accomplishing something makes me feel like I did something productive and so even working on a project feels good.

Stress is still an issue. I mean, have y'all seen the news lately? I have listened to so much calming music lately. Instrumental music that is usually in a major key and as slow as 70 bmp is perfect. If you do not like the calming music on youtube, try Bach, Brahms, Beethoven, or Handel.

Lastly, get outside or look outside everyday. This is important. There are birds and trees and flowers. The seasons are slowly changing. Nature is beautiful. And, I need my vitamin D. Eating healthy and getting the right vitamins are helpful for a good immune system.

Expertise

I often feel like I should be doing more with my life. I want to do more. Depression sets in if I overthink needing to do more activities or being more involved in life.

I started feeling unwell when I was in college. It may have even been before that, but I really noticed it at that time. I was getting headaches and stomach aches. I was not sleeping well. Anxiety, a doctor said. Sure, fine... They put me on a happy pill which helped the symptoms a little, but not really. I tried everything, from books to yoga to deep breathing to meditation. I believed the doctors. I also knew that I was stressed from a bad relationship and being away from home.

Eventually I got away from the bad relationship. I did not feel as anxious. And, because of the relationship I did not get my teaching degree, only a BA. I gained experience in retail and data entry and eventually IT and databases.

As time wore on my other symtoms grew worse. I still had trouble sleeping and eating. I had headaches. I was told it was still anxiety or grief. This was starting to not sit well with me, but doctors were not listening. They would try an allergy med for my sinuses and that was it.

Evetually, after about 6 or 7 doctors, I started not trusting them. They were not listening and I was getting more relief doing exercises I found online. Chiropracty was helping at least. It was taking me years to diagnose myself, but I was learning that it was not just anxiety... It was TMJ and migraines and bruxism (yay for the dentist). But, I could not afford a specialist...

Now, 15 years later, I have all of this knowledge about my health but not much work expertise, no family of my own. And most of all, no formal diagnosis, except the dentist, because I am broke. I had to quit my job in the middle of all of that because my health had gotten to a point where I could not eat very well, had jaw pain and had a hard time concentrating. I used my savings on those 6 or 7 doctors and my move back to my home state.

Now, I want to be able and be involved in life. I wish I could have a family. I wish I could have a job again. But, l make due. I do my best. That is my expertise: doing my best. I would rather something in science or history... But such is life. 

I have learned many technical things on the job before, held several jobs in fact, for a while. I even managed an IT department. Not to mention my volunteer work, writing, and photography. I shouldn't sell myself short. But, as of now I feel helpless because of my body.

I will keep trying to take care of myself and be a good person. I hope I can be more than that, eventually. I miss my life.

Daily Log: An Update

Here we are, day 52. I honestly can't believe I have kept this log going for this long. I did this as an experiment to see how society, and I, changed over time during this pandemic.

 I am currently taking a break from posting, however I am still writing my log. I find it interesting. I am curious to see the difference between me posting and not posting what I have written. I will keep going with this experiment, either online or offline. I will know soon.

I hope everyone is safe and healthy.

Edit: I have decided to quit the online daily log for now. I am going to pick a day and do weekly reports instead, in a more formatted way. Less of a daily log and more like an essay on life. I will be removing some of my less interesting daily logs, in favor of a "best of" list.

Thank you for reading along as we all figure this global pandemic out together.

Day 46: April 27th, 2020

Day 46

Today is a rest day. I still have a bad migraine. I am listening to music and resting most of the day. The things I need to do are nagging at me, but I know I will get them done. I should not stress over them.

I stretched quite a bit today. It feels good to get a good stretch. I made sure to stretch my arms and shoulders against a wall because I have not been moving them as much as normal.

I feel like the rest and attention to what I needed such as the stretching, really helped me today. 

Day 44: April 25th, 2020

Day 44

Tense this morning and so I listened to calming music.

I am kind of excited to work on my project and it almost over shadows my fears this morning, though I am back to being scared of getting sick. I watched videos last night of people with a rare disease where they rapidly age. It gave me some perspective. I am alive and I need to be thankful for that.

I worked on my rain mobile most of today, after doing chores. I have it hanging outside on the balcony. I like how it turned out, very rainy.

When I took the trash out, the bag broke and I had to go back up to my apartment to get a second bag. I cleaned up what spilled and doubled bagged it. Then I washed up, because... Yeah.

I watched some tv the rest of the night. I watched After Life. I won't get into details but it was not great yet I still watched most of it because some of the actors were funny.

I think both my boyfriend and I have stress hangovers. We both feel exhausted today. I have a headache. 

Listened to calming music again to get to sleep.

Day 43: April 24th, 2020

Day 43

Woke stressed about the car. I do not think I have had to file a claim before. I've been lucky and I didn't need to drive much for a few years.

It is weird filing a claim right now. My insurance had no one manning the phones. The website was not as helpful as I had hoped, but I was able to figure out what to do with  help. 

I will take my car in at some point, I guess. This is just another thing to add to my growing list. 

I still have a migraine today. I feel like crying, but I won't. 

Challenged my boyfriend to make something out of an item out of the recycle bin. He is making a chandelier out of beer bottles and I am making a rain mobile from a plastic jug. We are using the craft supplies that we already have.

I feel a bit better after painting. Today was not a great day mentally, for reasons won't get into the details of. But, I had a ptsd episode.

The rest of the night was spent crafting or watching youtube silliness.

I definitely needed calming music tonight.

Day 41: April 22, 2020

Day 41

I woke late and feel a bit droswy. I still have a headache but at least I feel less anxious. I think yesterday helped.

It is raining today. My balcony plants are loving the weather.

My boyfriend took some time to go to the store. We ran out of some of the staples. We signed up to try a veggie delivery service, but it won't start until May. I wish we could join a CSA, but our local one is full.

He found every thing we needed at the store except soy milk and hemp milk and cleaning products. I understand the cleaning products as the stores have been out for 40 days, but I do not understand the soy milk or other nondairy milks being gone. How many vegetarians are there in my area? Will have to go to the other store again for milk on another day.

Oh, the cleansing ritual... First he carries the groceries into the kitchen. Then, I put on a long sleeved shirt for protection. We carefully put the groceries away. I wipe down everything we or the groceries touched and a couple things that get left out like a chip bag or cat litter containers. We put all the bags in recycling. Then we wash our hands and his mask and I remove my protective clothing. He takes a shower. Every household seems to have their own routine based on house size and amount of cleaning products.

Doing a little sluething. I saw a big structure in the parking lot next door and wondered what it was. I looked up the writing on the side and it is a portable or rather, a modular office / storage building. Curious what it is for but it seems odd to yell across the fence.

Watched Tangled. The music was pretty good. Some of it sounded like Aladdin, but there were parts of the orchestral score I really loved. The animation was odd, but still cute.

Also watched Some More News and The Daily Show.

I find it ironic that I watched The Death Of Stalin yesterday and now it turns out that Kim Jung Un is very ill. Weird how things line up sometimes.

I got some elastic bands and want to sew masks again. I also forgot that I have t-shirt yarn I could use for ties.

Egg noodle lentil bolognese was very good for dinner. I remembered that we still had last year's garden tomatoes frozen and needed to use them up.

I listened to relaxing music at night.

Day 39: April 20, 2020

Day 39

Woke up and went back to researching mattresses.

I keep noticing that they have sales often and so the prices jump around. Though I am getting better at determining the quality of foam mattresses by eye, I do not know how to be fully sure of what I am getting. May look into videos later.

Noticed a mattress company or two are making cloth masks for the public. One was selling them at cost.

Whelp, we did it folks. Oil is worthless. It tanked down to .10 a barrel and then into the negatives.

Looked at the projects I want to do because I started to get overwhelmed. I need to research mattresses, I want to sew some handkerchiefs and cleaning cloths, and I want to plan and plant the garden soon. 

Swept my building's stairs because no one is coming around to do it. I honestly do not mind doing it because sometimes the building uses a leaf blower which does not work well.

I did some cleaning and chores.

Watched a movie, The Death Of Stalin. It was pretty good. It had Michael Palin and Steve Buscemi in it.

I was feeling relaxed enough to read the news tonight. Then I read that we are running out of C02 for processing a number of food and beverages and possibly water. I really hope they figure it out soon. Sounds like our VP was warned April 7th. Normally, I would not be worried, but I feel like this administration cannot take care of important necsesities.

Day 38: April 19th, 2020

Day 38

Lazy Sunday.

Stretched quite a bit this morning. My back feels like it might go out each morning because of the mattress lately. This has been going on for a while, but has recently gotten unbearable. Glad to have the new couch. The floor is starting to look good too.

I have been able to eat a little more the past few days and today is the first morning I did not lose weight. I was starting to wonder what was going on because I was losing weight quickly. I think it is a combination of higher stress and being more active.

The cat was very cuddley today. She kept wanting to be brushed and picked up. Now I remember that she jumped on the bed this morning and sat with me. She has not done that in a long time.

Cleaned at little, and then played some No Man's Sky.

Ate tikka masala for dinner. 

I researched and made a spreadsheet of possible mattresses we could buy. There are many possibilities. I want to be sure because we cannot try it first.

I stayed up a bit and watched some youtubube. Jonh Krazinsky's Some Good News was adorable.

Day 36: April 17th, 2020

Day 36

Woke early. Listened to calming music and got some much needed advice on the gov site I was having trouble with.

Listened to some new music from Fionna Apple that she put out just for the quarantine. She has not released new music in 10 years. Greenday released some punk covers of '80s songs because their tour was cancelled. I also listened to another Colin Meloy live stream. I've listened to many of his, Ben Gibbard's, and Ben Folds' live streams lately.

Waited for my boyfriend to get off work early and then we went on a walk at a wildlife refuge nearby. On the way there I noticed the small stretch of highway we take was littered with trash. If only we had the right tools to pick up trash. That would be good exercise!

The trail had only one car parked, so we did not need to avoid other walkers like we do on neighborhood walks. I got to take a few photos, use my camera.

On the drive back I noticed several people riding bikes today. 

Processed photos for most of the night and then watched Unorthodox.